SEX... Now that I have your attention I would like to welcome you to my first blog posting. It is quite exciting. I have always considered myself to be an author, but not just any author. A total badass author who goes on sex rampages, smokes cigarettes, and drinks coffee by the gallon. And when I order my coffee they ask how I like it and I say black, no sugar, no whip cream, no bullshit. The funny thing though, is that I am not at all a badass. I have never had sex, to be honest I hardly know how to kiss a girl. Also I have never smoked, and would probably burn myself when trying to light up. And yes, you guessed it I have never drunk (drank?) coffee before. I shouldn't even consider myself an author because those first three sentences took me like ten minutes to compose... (Compose.. God I'm good.) The main reason I created this Blog is to vent and rant about all the idiots I encounter everyday of my life. Also go jump off a cliff if you don't like my spelling or grammar because I DGAF. And when I type in capital letters it isn't because I am yelling, I just want to add emphasis. I don't yell, I'm not badass enough.

As of late I have been venting via Twitter (PLEASE FOLLOW ME @alexandkat), but the problem with twitter is that I only have 160 spaces to vent, and I have more than 160 characters on my mind. However, the great thing about twitter is # (hashtags). Those are the best! Get me a woman who can hashtag and I will make sweet tender love to her all day long. #turnon And please allow me at this time to vent about twitter because I can't do that on twitter and I certainly can't vent about it on Facebook without looking like a douchebag. Twitter CONS: 1. I can have 1234256378247347268459 friends on Facebook, but on twitter I have to get people to follow me, which is harder than one would think. I mean just 3 days ago I surpassed (nice vocab) the 100 follower mark. Here's the best part... I ONLY FOLLOW 67! YES! That makes me look cooler because I look more exclusive. Like, If I follow you, its a big deal, but really its not. I can't help but laugh and feel bad for those losers who only have like 15 followers, but are following 100 people. Its just proof that no one cares what you have to say. BUT I hate that. (I know...i'm complex and shiz.) Twitter has basically assigned a  point value system to peoples lives. AND I hate that because I don't have that many points. My goal in life is to become the 1% in twita-meica. (Political reference) There are a lot more reasons why I don't like Twitter, but I am afraid I might be losing my readers, or as my english teachers would say "Losing my audiences attention" So let me tell you about one of the idiots that INSPIRED ME TO CREATE THIS BLOG. (PLEASE FOLLOW ME @alexandkat SO MY LIFE HAS MORE VALUE).

I just encountered him 15 minutes before creating this. Lets call him... Stencer. Ladies and Gentlemen, he is an idiot if there ever was one. And by idiot I don't mean he's bad at math, or doesn't know where to insert commas because NO ONE is good at that stuff. When I say he is an idiot its because he still thinks that farting and burping is funny... Yeah I know idiot right? Don't get me wrong though! I can always appreciate a fart at an awkward time, but don't try intentionally to be funny by farting #notfunny. Also you should know that I am Mormon and go to a predominantly mormon college. (Not BYU, Im not that big of a loser). But anyways mormons, you know the people who are for the most part are goody goodies? Yeah, well stencer is mormon too. But he thinks that by saying "shiiiiiiiz" "Fuh" "damn" and making sexual jokes and references like "Yeah my radio station is 69.9" he is rebellious and therefore cool. In fact, he has even said to other mormons "Don't let me corrupt you" ARE YOU KDDING ME? You grew up 100 yards (metric system kicks ass) from BYU, you know so much about life. What? You're different than all the other kids who grew up in Utah? How? Oh dang! You were mischievous and missed church sometimes?! God how are you still alive? Also he is in love with the packers, which is perfectly fine I don't have anything against it. BUT, if I am just meeting you and you say "Hi Im stencer and I love the packers." you might as well say "Hi Im stencer and I love dick in my mouth" NOBODY CARES OR WANTS TO HEAR WHAT SPORTS TEAM YOU LIKE OR WHAT YOU LIKE IN YOUR MOUTH. This whole post is making me even more angry because I can't express to you how much of a moron this kid is. He has a curly fro, which just looks like a bunch of long pubic hair on his head. I don't hate him though because of how he looks, but since I hate his personality, I am allowed to hate on his appearance, ya know?Also he just randomly yells. I am sure you all have people in your life who think its funny to be loud. #itisnt Being loud is just another way to let the world know you are a a douchebag. It also is an extremely effective way of embarrassing those around you. Like at dinner, when I'm unfortunate enough to have to sit by him, he will randomly yell words in his sentence and look around... what the hell stencer.. what the hell. I can't be looking normal civilized person when you're over here screaming. And screw you if you think "Being weird is cool! Yeah!! and I am so individualistic!" You're not. I like to not conform sometimes, but if you think that screaming is a good way to not conform go plank in traffic. But anyways the whole reason stencer is an idiot is because he thinks he is a BAMF, when he's mormon. Heads up dude, if you live in utah, chances are you're not going to be a BAMF. 

So there is one idiot who is in my life. There has got to be at least 75 more, each one probably worse than him. I hope that walking away from this you don't think, "WOW what a pussy, this kid needs to learn that there are a lot bigger idiots in the world. (Like Rick Santorum)" But if you do think that, then you are probably the type of person who farts for fun anyways. Honestly it feels amazing knowing that I have exposed someone I dislike over the internet. Yeah I think I am going to like this blogging thing.